Category: Uncategorized
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Republican Presidential Debate: Trump vs. Goat
Moderator: Welcome everybody to the first republican presidential debate. Here are our candidates. We have Donald Trump, businessman and reality TV star, and Harold Gomes, former Senator from Missouri, who is a goat. [Trump smiles and waves to the crowd. The goat nibbles at his microphone.] Trump: Thanks, Jim. I’m happy to be here in…
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The Show Where Main Characters Die
Have you seen the show where main characters die? Few TV shows are so bold. Few TV shows have so many main characters. With other shows, viewers pick a main character and root for them for the entirety of the series. Sometimes they enter perilous situations and escape improbably. In reality, they would have died.…
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How to Bee More Cre8tive
Sometimes when I’m walking down the street, people stop and ask me, “How do I get to the Jefferson Hotel?” I tell them I don’t know, I’m just coming home from the gym. But something I do know a lot about is how to be creative. Creativity is the spice of life. Imagine deviled eggs…
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Modern Life: A Five-Paragraph Essay
In today’s society, there is much debate about whether life is better now than it was in the past. The world used to be much simpler. What has changed? How are things different? Where would you prefer to be? Perhaps you’ve thought about this. Though some people think that life is the same as always…
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The True Story Behind “Quality Guaranteed”
It’s a phrase you’ve likely read hundreds, if not thousands, of times. It’s plastered on billboards and street signs and pizza boxes. You’ve heard it on TV commercials and radio ads. About Chinese food and plumbers and online accredited universities. That’s right. You know the words: “Quality Guaranteed.” If you’re like me, you’ve wondered who…
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Where is Kim Jong-un? He’s Living in My Basement
The Supreme Leader of North Korea, Kim Jong-un, hasn’t been seen in public since September 3rd. This is his longest absence since he assumed control of the Democratic People’s Republic in 2011. According to state-run media, he’s suffering from an “uncomfortable physical condition.” Video footage has shown him limping. But, speculation has spread around the…
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Fantasy Football Diary — Entry #2
[Note: My encounter with Adrian Peterson occurred before his indictment for child abuse. He has hurt me deeply. I will seek justice.] “Adrian! Adrian!” I shouted. He was gripping my arm, his face buried against my shoulder, Adrian Peterson, Minnesota Vikings star running back, my first pick, as we rumbled to the top of the…
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Fantasy Football Diary #1
I had dinner with Peyton Manning last night. He was wonderful. We went to an Italian place on 16th street. He had the Spaghetti Bolognese. I had the Penne Carbonara. Calamari, we shared. I drank wine. The evening was beautiful but I’m not sure if I convinced him to be with me. He’s…
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The Plight of Ferguson Missouri
There’s a man out there named Ferguson Missouri. He lives in Wyoming. He has two cats. He works in the gift shop of Grand Teton National Park. He’s a descendant of Native Americans. But if you Google his name, you won’t find him. He’s buried beneath news articles and opinion pieces and ungrammatical racist exchanges…
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The Meaning of Lice
It’s a question that’s been asked for ages: what is the meaning of lice? Some think the answer is simple: Lice are wingless insects of the order Phthiraptera, known to feed on human skin, blood, and sebaceous secretions. Others think that the answer is more complex, deeper than what it seems, more difficult to understand.…
Adam Fishbein 